so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
