I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Randomize
