Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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