yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
