I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
