She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
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