This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize