hotel room ftw
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
