I'm lost and stupid without you.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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