Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
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I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
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Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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