and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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