Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
