I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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