Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
