Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize