fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
