you're like a bully in the Christmas story
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
Just general bites
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.