i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style