And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
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I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
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I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.