I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
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The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
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I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background