just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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