I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Thank you for not boning my boss.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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