The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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