i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
