I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Randomize
