I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
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