My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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