she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
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there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
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"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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