when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
