my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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