my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
