Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Boobs are out for the taking
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize