I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
