For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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