What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
