Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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