don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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