someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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