I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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