good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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