Your mouth is God's brothel.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize