you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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