He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
New Dating App in Dallas For Only The Most Ambitious and Attractive Singles
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
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He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.