He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
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don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.