theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.