Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
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I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
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Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that