walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
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I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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