worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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