What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
