I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize