I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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