mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
