the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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