i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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