im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
you told grandpa to call you daddy
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the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
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When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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