I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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